Co-parenting with Narcissists…

A narcissist is like a hog…but instead of destroying the crop…they destroy anyone and anything in their path. Leaving their targets left in complete and utter dismay.  They have this need for power…to be admired…a sense of entitlement. They can seem extremely charming and kind on the surface, but underneath their mask is nothing but pure evil. A complete and total lack of compassion for others’ feelings…even their own children’s.

“I’m in the driver seat now”…”I’m the boss”…”I’m in control”…3 statements that will never, ever be forgotten.  I suppose asking for a divorce because you’re unhappy was like setting off an atomic bomb…the start to a never ending war.

You compromise…you plead…you beg.  You humble yourself in ways you never imagined were possible. All you want, and long for, is an end…an end in order to start your new beginning.   But instead, you’re greeted with revenge…hate…retaliation…vengeance…retribution…spite.  You give everything that you are, and everything that you have, for the sake of your child.  Why?  Because divorce isn’t what they asked for.  They deserve, more than any, to be happy.  To not worry.  To have 2 parents who can push aside all of their emotions and get a long well enough for them.  Because, ultimately, the child is who matters most!!  They are loved!!!

2 years later, 50/50 shared visitation, and you’re still dealing with the same high conflict ex…except now, his wife has joined in this misery, making it even worse.  Every piece of court order has completely been dismissed. No communication can be made without first being insulted.  Everything you do, everything, is a constant battle…things as small as asking if she can wear a pair of khaki’s from his house.  Bad mouthing, alienating, refusing access to your child, retaining important information…it doesn’t stop.

You both love your child.  You both should want the very best for your child. But to a narcissist, they don’t care about the damage it causes…they only want to cause you emotional distress. He’ll find pure joy in your suffering and will do anything in his power to create it for you.  And, you’re just left there, searching for kind words…a way to explain to your daughter why her father hates you more than he loves her.  Having to play constant damage control.  You are both a part of your child. To hate the other parent is showing that you hate a part of your child.   The hardest thing you’ll ever have to do is watch her suffer…to have her ask you why, but yet, not have the answers.

Life sucks sometimes…work, marriage, divorce, friendships…just life in general.  But, having a narcissist as someone you have to co-parent with is absolutely excruciating!!  But from it, you become stronger.  You teach her to be stronger.  If you fail, you get up and try again.  Be grateful for the good things and appreciate the bad.  Teach her the importance of love. The importance of kindness.  The importance of compassion and humility.  The importance of gratitude.  With that, you teach yourself to be a better Mama!!!

Be the Light that Shines Love….don’t be the Hog that lives in Hate!!!