I can’t help but to think back to a day where, not so long ago, I stopped by my daughter’s after school care to make a payment. It was 2 o’clock in the afternoon. I didn’t have the new code to unlock the door, so I knocked. Nothing. Looking through the windows, I saw the teachers were not in their classrooms. I went around to every door of the building…all doors were locked. Even the entrance to the church office. Feeling frustrated and inconvenienced, still not able to enter, I walked back to my car and left. But, quickly, my frustrations turned to releif. Releif from knowing that had a crazed maniac tried to enter that school, they wouldn’t have been able to. My daughter would have been safe. The other children would have been safe. The teachers would have been safe. So I ask…HOW are these people able to enter these schools? Everyone’s focused on “why didn’t they do something before this”…”people knew he was capable of this”…”guns need to be banned”…”it’s the government’s fault”…”blah, blah, blah”…but why isn’t anyone asking “how”…”why”? HOW do these sick people get in to our schools in the first place? WHY aren’t all doors locked? WHY isn’t there more security for our children? It’s already happened one too many times before now, so WHY aren’t our schools, our teachers, our CHILDREN better protected? WHY aren’t we focused more on providing safety and security, but banning guns and blaming political parties instead? Laws aren’t going to change, at least not any time in the near future, so why not expand our energy to something we CAN do…like providing more security?
A narcissist is like a hog…but instead of destroying the crop…they destroy anyone and anything in their path. Leaving their targets left in complete and utter dismay. They have this need for power…to be admired…a sense of entitlement. They can seem extremely charming and kind on the surface, but underneath their mask is nothing but pure evil. A complete and total lack of compassion for others’ feelings…even their own children’s.
“I’m in the driver seat now”…”I’m the boss”…”I’m in control”…3 statements that will never, ever be forgotten. I suppose asking for a divorce because you’re unhappy was like setting off an atomic bomb…the start to a never ending war.
You compromise…you plead…you beg. You humble yourself in ways you never imagined were possible. All you want, and long for, is an end…an end in order to start your new beginning. But instead, you’re greeted with revenge…hate…retaliation…vengeance…retribution…spite. You give everything that you are, and everything that you have, for the sake of your child. Why? Because divorce isn’t what they asked for. They deserve, more than any, to be happy. To not worry. To have 2 parents who can push aside all of their emotions and get a long well enough for them. Because, ultimately, the child is who matters most!! They are loved!!!
2 years later, 50/50 shared visitation, and you’re still dealing with the same high conflict ex…except now, his wife has joined in this misery, making it even worse. Every piece of court order has completely been dismissed. No communication can be made without first being insulted. Everything you do, everything, is a constant battle…things as small as asking if she can wear a pair of khaki’s from his house. Bad mouthing, alienating, refusing access to your child, retaining important information…it doesn’t stop.
You both love your child. You both should want the very best for your child. But to a narcissist, they don’t care about the damage it causes…they only want to cause you emotional distress. He’ll find pure joy in your suffering and will do anything in his power to create it for you. And, you’re just left there, searching for kind words…a way to explain to your daughter why her father hates you more than he loves her. Having to play constant damage control. You are both a part of your child. To hate the other parent is showing that you hate a part of your child. The hardest thing you’ll ever have to do is watch her suffer…to have her ask you why, but yet, not have the answers.
Life sucks sometimes…work, marriage, divorce, friendships…just life in general. But, having a narcissist as someone you have to co-parent with is absolutely excruciating!! But from it, you become stronger. You teach her to be stronger. If you fail, you get up and try again. Be grateful for the good things and appreciate the bad. Teach her the importance of love. The importance of kindness. The importance of compassion and humility. The importance of gratitude. With that, you teach yourself to be a better Mama!!!
Be the Light that Shines Love….don’t be the Hog that lives in Hate!!!
Reflections of the past always have a way of stalking us. Reering it’s ugly head. But, staying there…never letting it go…sulking in it…not only makes things harder, but it also wears you down mentally. It is exhausting. It will ruin your future and all things right in your life. Wise people often say to leave the past behind you!!! So, then, why not listen?
Yes, our past has made our present. It teaches us. We learn. We grow. We move on. It affects our train of thought…how we think. However, our past does not define who we are. Our mistakes do not define who we are. Our bad choices do. not. define. who. we. are. What we take from it…what we learn..what sculpts us in to who we are today…that, that is what defines us.
Digging…dredging…holding on to it…whether it’s yours, or someone’s you love…choose to be that wise person and let it go!
Like a bird…free yourself and fly far away…focus your reflections on the present instead!! If not, you may miss out on all that is beautiful and good standing right next to you.
People ask…why do you love the Sun so much?! I laugh!! Are you kidding me, “why don’t you?”.
See, the Sun is everything that is beautiful to me.
At times, life feels like everything is going wrong…like our way has been lost…or feeling stuck…not able to move. Just left motionless, asking out loud, “when will this ever end?”. But, we have to remind ourselves…just like the Sun, life is about rising!! And, with each new day, the Sun rises again. Even when we can’t see it, it’s there…shining through the smallest cracks. Sometimes, it just takes the dark to help us appreciate everything that shines!
Appreciate the Moon, but always Love the Sun!!!
I’ve been blessed…grateful for my wonderful husband who enjoys exploring with me. Taking me on these excursions through unknown and unchartered territories…lugging my stuff around, putting up with my demands….”stop, right here”…”move”…”here, hold this one”. I know that some times it can be quite exhausting for him, but he never stops…for me! He says he loves what I see. The way I search for the beauty in all things. But, underneath his tough exterior, he does too. I watch when he’s looking, I see what he sees. Something happens to you when you’re at one with nature…the peace and serenity can overcome you…even those real tough ones!!
“If the sight of the blue skies fill you with joy, if a blade of grass springing up in the fields has power to move you, if the simple things of nature have a message that you understand, rejoice, for your soul is alive.”. -Eleonora Duse